by Joseph Liberti

Self-confidence: Some have it, some want it, all need it and many misunderstand it. Yet

everyone seems to agree that self-confidence is essential to success and happiness.

Confident people move through the world seizing opportunities, influencing

people and outcomes and generally enjoying life with greater ease. They are

decisive, able to change and try new things, and able to stay in control when things get

difficult. These self-assured people seem to live life with greater passion and

enthusiasm.

Many people want more self-confidence. There are over 200,000 searches made on

Google each month for help with developing self confidence. And there are 27,000,000

pages of internet content devoted to the subject. Those searching for help recognize

that something is holding them back but don

There are many others who can

coaching practice over the last 10 years, I have worked primarily with middle to upper

level and emerging leaders. They did not ask for more self-confidence. They came

looking for help with managing emotions in themselves and others, in making decisions

and in positively influencing others. And, the greatest benefit of the coaching was

improved performance from increased self-confidence.

“Self-confidence is the fundamental basis from which leadership grows.” Says executive

coach Francisco Dao,in a recent Inc magazine article. “Trying to teach leadership

without first building confidence is like building a house on a foundation of sand. It may

have a nice coat of paint, but it is ultimately shaky at best.

“While the leadership community has focused on passion, communication, and

empowerment,” Dao says, “they've ignored this most basic element and in the process

they have planted these other components of leadership in a bed of quicksand. At the

end of the day, leadership is about having the confidence to make decisions. If

someone is afraid to make and commit to decisions, all of the communication and

empowerment in the world won't make a squat of difference.”

What Is Self-Confidence, Really?

There is a lot of agreement on the importance of confidence but great differences on

what it is and how to acquire it.

Some say that self-confidence is a result of achievement. They say that the more skilled

and practiced you become and the more success you have with something the more

confident you are. So, I might become a confident golfer or public speaker, but what

happens if I am required to do something out of my area of achievement?

I have read articles that advise people to dress well to feel better about themselves and

that will bring self-confidence. A popular self-growth blog tells readers to “think positive”

and to “kill negative thoughts,” as ways to increase self-confidence. And, a well known

and highly paid executive consultant advises, “Demonstrate courage on the outside,

even when you don't feel it on the inside,” as a way to deal with a self-confidence issue.

I

sense of self-confidence. You simply can not increase your sense of self by seeking for

validation from outside of yourself or by pretending. Self-confidence is an inside job. It is

an expression of authentic self.

Authentic Confidence

Your level of confidence is the degree to which you trust yourself to live consciously.

The ultimate confidence comes from your ability to trust yourself to be present and

engage any situation you are met with; to respond creatively in the present instead of

reacting impulsively; and to trust that you will choose and act from integrity.

Authentic confidence is not dependent on skill or appearance or bravado but is based in

truth - The truth of who you really are and what you value. The fruits of your authenticity

are peace of mind and freedom. When you choose to be real and to take ownership of

your choices and your results, you are free to:

Learn

Say no

Lead

Slay a sacred cow

Accept

Tell the truth.

Your authentic confidence is also compelling. Because you are congruent, you are

credible and influential and we will follow your lead. And no matter what your position is,

your authentic leadership is so needed now. Consider how much loss could have been

avoided in our current economic crisis if people had the authentic confidence to:

Stand on principle

Blow the whistle

Refuse to play the game

Say the emperor has no clothes.

Once Choice At A Time

How do you develop authentic confidence? Once choice at a time. Empower yourself by

claiming your power of choice - taking ownership of your choices and your experience

of life.

First, acknowledge that while you have no control of others you do have absolute

control over what you choose to think, feel, say and do. That makes you uniquely

powerful. I know, your mind wants to tell me that sometimes you just don

choice. As pervasive and seductive as that thought may be, it is simply not true. You

may not like your choices but you always have a choice.

Next develop your ability to make choices based on your truth - your purpose and

values and what is in integrity for you. It will help you greatly to develop your emotional

self-awareness - your ability to recognize your emotions and how they are influencing

your thoughts and choices. By managing and integrating your emotions you increase

your ability to consciously choose what is most true and purposeful for you.

Now, each choice you make is building self-confidence. You trust yourself to make a

conscious choice and accept the results. That increases your ability to make more, and

more difficult, choices. Each time you make a choice that is consistent with your

purpose and values you make a deposit in your authentic confidence account. Choice

by choice you build a trusting relationship with yourself and increase your authentic

confidence and your ability to live courageously. And when you do, you are free.